X-Force #8

For the first issue of this weird journey I’m about to undertake, I picked a comic by none other than Rob Liefeld. Rob is the lowest of low-hanging fruit when one is talking 90s comics, so why not start there?

PEW PEW PEW BWAAAAA!!!

I picked this one for its cover. It has one of those iconic 90s Liefeld group shots where everyone is running and shooting at something we can’t see. They all have Liefeld staples like belt pouches, weird guns that don’t look like guns, and either a set-jawed grimace or a wide open shouty mouth. I’m coming to this sight unseen, so I’m excited for what I’m going to find inside. Perhaps I shouldn’t be.

Back--er--Forward in time??

You can never tell with Cable. He’s a time traveler and the son of Cyclops and and Jean Grey who was sent to the future but then came back in time? I’m not sure. Anyways, the first page gets us up to speed. Cable and his New Mutants friends Cannonball and Boom Boom ran afoul of my favorite pterodactyl man, Sauron. He’s mortally wounded Cannonball. The worst thing about this first page is the credits box.

This issue was not drawn by Liefeld, only the first and last pages. He is credited for the plot and framing sequence art, so there is that. The rest of the credits are the guest creative team all credited as guests, because we wouldn’t want anyone to think ol’ Rob was leaving the book. In contemporary comics, it’s common to have guest artists or even artist rotations, but not here, evidently. Also, each guest contributor has the word “guest” -hilariously- misspelled. Good one, Rob.

The guest artist Mike Mignola has a very minimalist style that incorporates the use of a lot of shadow. I know, minimalism in a 90s comic? Despite a few weird details, the art is actually pretty good in this issue. The use of shadow gives it a noir feel that I kind of like.

Anyway, the plot is still Rob’s, and like approximately 90% of all Liefeld comics, it involves the team of heroes assaulting an enemy compound in order to go in and get a macguffin and get out again while shouting directions and making weird jokey remarks. It’s basically a video game. This is something that I take it happened before the Cannonball-Sauron thing on the first page, because the transition works like a flashback. It’s Cable though so I’m never quite sure.

All of the Banter

This is Cable’s old mercenary team called the Wild Pack. Cable’s thought boxes get us up to speed while he shouts inane things like, “Hit them running and don’t stop!” What does that mean exactly, Cable? The Wild Pack consists of Cable, Domino, a giant red man thing named Grizzly, and their handler Bridge. They are raiding a Hydra research facility for some reason. The crew make crude jokes and exchange businesslike banter in the face of violent deaths while Cable’s internal monologue tells us all how badass they are.

As they attack the Hydra base, the Hydra goons in their usual green onesies shout Hydra-isms like “Cut off one limb and another takes its place!” Wait a minute? Isn’t that supposed to be cut off one head? Eh, not important.

The Wild Pack make quick work of what seems like only an obligatory resistance before getting inside and exchanging even more banter. Cable is warned not to do what he did in Madagascar, whatever that was. I guess it was something hilarious and/or insane. Suddenly I’d rather be hearing that story.

What is anyone talking about?

Two guys, with all the belt pouches and huge guns, named Kane and Hammer are there. I have no idea who these guys are. Isn’t this supposed to be a superhero book? They all go inside to get the thing, and Cable’s all upset by the lack of resistance they faced. Something doesn’t feel right. Gee, I hope they aren’t wandering into a trap!

They get the thing just before the voice of Baron von Strucker informs them that it was a trap. Who saw that coming? They have twenty seconds to escape. Luckily Cable has all kinds of teleportation devices and they get away clean, which begs the question why didn’t they simply teleport in to begin with? Because then we wouldn’t see how badass they were and hear their witty jokes.

They give the thing back to AIM, who were the ones who lost it in the first place, but it turns out to be a dud anyways. AIM let Hydra get it on purpose because of reasons that make no sense. Either way, the Wild Pack gets paid, so what do they care. I certainly don’t.

Back to the Future?

The gang parts ways when the job is over, but not before exchanging more witty banter. Kane (or maybe it’s Hammer, I’m not sure who is who) exclaims that they “kicked the living BEBOOBIES off of everyone”. A baffling phrase never uttered by a human person before or since, I am quite sure.

What the--?

Cable zips away on his motorcycle and teleports to a zillion years in the future where all of his robot servants are named after X-Men. The one named Jean offers to remove his combat garments, a thing that grosses me out and I’m sure it was done on purpose. Isn’t Jean his mom? Or was that a clone of Jean? Why am I still reading this?

Cable asks his computer if there are any new “awakenings”. The computer gives him a readout on Sam Guthrie, or Cannonball (you know, the guy from the beginning Sauron stabbed). He decides to teleport in time to meet Sam because… I don’t know why. I guess this is the lead-in to Cable’s first appearance in New Mutants, but it’s all so slapdash I can’t tell why anyone is doing anything.

Anyways, we snap back to reality and the last page of the book which is drawn by Rob again. Sam is still hurt and Sauron is still threatening everyone. We’ve made zero forward progress, but at least we had a few laughs.

So What Did We Learn?

This issue seemed pretty pointless. It was a flashback issue meant to give Cable some backstory I guess, but it didn’t tell us anything that we didn’t already know. Cable is a badass mercenary that always kicks the beboobies off of everyone. Nobody had an arc or learned anything, including us. The plot of it could be summed up as “a bunch of badasses steal a thing and get paid” which is a big nothing. At least Rob left us with some really awesome Cable drawings at the end of the book. I guess they ran out of story two pages early.

Am I going to read the next one? Probably not, but I do like Sauron as a villain, so maybe I'll check it out.

There is nothing I can say about Rob's art that hasn't already been said. Just bask in the glory.

X-Force #8 - March 1992

Rob Liefeld - Plot/Framing Sequence Art

Mike Mignola - Guest Penciler

Bob Wiacek - Guest Inker

Fabian Nicieza - Guessed Scripter (har har)

Chris Eliopoulos - Jest Letterer (hee hee hee… Hmm, what else rhymes with “guest”?)

Steve Buccellatto - Dressed Colorist (nailed it)

Images Courtesy of Marvel Comics